Surfers Flock to Cornwall in Anticipation of Second Wave

Given the recent tightening of restrictions, Cornwall locals were surprised to see hordes of bedraggled looking creatures springing from Penzance station and gallivanting towards their beaches. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that this teeming mass of blonde dreadlocks and board shorts was in fact a collection of Bristol University surfers, excited at the chance to take advantage of an upcoming second wave.

The Whip interviewed Bristol surf captain, Fiona Hank-Tenn, to see what she made of this exciting opportunity:

“’Rona, never head of her man!” scoffed Tenn. “But let me be real for a sec – I confess that the bros and I really didn’t ride that first wave as hard as we should have, but we’re not making that mistake twice! Maximum shreddage shall occur when this second wave hits, you’d best believe.”

Fellow surge enthusiast Cower Bunga added: “Man we’re totally stoked that all the government science dudes are talking about how this wave is gonna be even bigger and faster than last time; I’ve got a feeling this is going to be my most outrageous, gnarly wave yet!.”

Gradually perplexed by the empty beaches and distinctly flat waters, the surfers eventually retired to form a drum circle in aid of ‘spreading good vibes’ and ‘creating a better energy for the waves’. In the meantime, we couldn’t help but wonder whether with all this talk of waves, something had perhaps been lost in translation to these individuals?

The Whip interviewed the government’s chief science adviser Dr Chris Whitty to get his perspective on how surfing conditions might be affected by an upcoming Covid breakout…

“what? These are clearly two different waves- why on earth would COVID-19 make for better surfing cond- you know what, this is a clearly a wind up, I’m out of here…last time I let Matt Hancock arrange any more bloody interviews for me…”

Despite this disappointing lack of clarity in government advice, The Whip holds out hope for the surfing community in these trying times.