These are trying times. Nothing seems certain and everything is vague. Go to the pub, don’t go to the pub, get back to work, work from home. Uncertainty in life has skyrocketed and the last thing you need is to be neck deep in conversation with a local Bristolian about ‘farmer coffee grounds’ only to realise they’ve been talking about ‘far more coughing sounds’.
By following this simple list of criteria, you can avoid, at the minimum, an awkward conversation, at the maximum, the shrapnel spray of coronavirus after leaning in to hear what you think is a conversation about ‘butter costs’, which in actuality is about ‘spluttered coughs’.
- Friendliness – A common mistake when greeted with a sunny disposition and friendly smile is to make the dreadful mistake of engaging in conversation with the person. DO NOT. This is a hallmark of a local resident. You’ll notice that students and peers will barely even acknowledge you, let alone smile and say hello.
- Straw – No, that is not a super-blem dangling out of his mouth.
- Tweed – 85% of the time, a tweed wearer is a west country born-an-bred. HOWEVER, Wills students have been known to appropriate this attire, therefore I urge caution when applying this rule around the Stoke Bishop area.
And there you have it folks — a clear(ish) guide to avoiding corona conversation confusion!