Halloween is fast approaching and along with it comes the opportunity to dress up proper spicy; scary but whoreish- don’t mind if I do. Whilst I may be creeped out yet slightly aroused by my appearance on the daily, this libidinous night it feels special, intentional; like I’ve earned it.
Unfortunately, due to a certain naughty little virus, exposing oneself is a bit of a faux pas at the moment. Luckily, here at The Whip we have devised eight Covid-friendly costumes that allow you to get your bits and pieces out, yet remain nice and unplagued: your lungs are gonna love it and so will your exposed left areola!
1. Slutty Beekeeper
There’s nothing sexier than danger. And what’s more dangerous than bees? Not much. Attract all the honeys whilst looking like that person from The Cube in this little number.
2. Sexy Welder
The most titillating of the metalwork professions. You’ll be glad you decided against that 12th century blacksmith costume when you pick up all the ladies, gents n non-binary folk, and ditch the pneumonia in this protective ensemble.
3. Sensual Bomb Disposal Technician
When I think of sexiness, I think of unexploded landmines. Combine the joy of bomb-defusal with the allure of wearing a big hazmat suit.
4. Slinky Zorber
Personal space is the sexiest — seriously, please don’t touch me, it’s been too long and I might cry. What’s fun about this costume is that you can be starkers in your big plastic ball, yet totally separated from the outside world, like a sexy naked little hamster.
5. Scandalous Michelin Man
God he’s so sexy, isn’t he? Wrap yourself up in god knows what and become the padded, pale ravishing beast of your bedtime fantasies.
6. Seductive Forensic Pathologist
Crime is pretty hot. It’s also pretty hot having to wear those blue plastic bag thingies over your feet like you’re a veruca-ridden child at the local swimming pool. In this costume, you can achieve both looks!
7. Suggestive Damien Hirst Resin Installation
Now I’ve always wanted to be a rotting animal suspended in liquid polymer. But will people fancy you in this costume? I bloody well hope so!
8. Steamy Literally Just Wearing A Bowl On Your Head And Passing It Off As A Soviet Cosmonaut Aboard The Мир Space Station.
Does what it says on the tin, you sexy little comrade you.