With the spooky Eve of Hallows fast approaching, skeletons, witches and ghouls are facing mass unemployment. They haven’t even been furloughed and have no way to pay for their evil potions or chocco goodies. Who is responsible for this unemployment I hear you cry? The answer is, of course, that pesky little virus, which has forced Boris Johnson to fully outlaw trick or treating this year.
But who will defend the young? Who will stand up for our little nippers already silenced by surgical masks? Well, revered children’s activist, Prince Andrew, has leapt to the rescue by offering his moral support to devastated trick or treaters. In a recent statement to one of our reporters he was quoted saying: “I’m just too honourable to sit here in silence and do nothing. I am part of the Royal family; I’m loved by millions! If I don’t stick up for these children who will?”
When asked what he had planned for the children who would have come knocking at his palace, he had this to say: “I preemptively bought an absolute ton of pizza from my favourite Italian restaurant in Woking. I was going to dish out slices a plenty! Those bloody scoundrels down at Number 10 have really hung me out to dry (although I do dry quite quickly because I can’t sweat).”
In terms of the children themselves, we can’t say that they have reacted too warmly to Randy Andy’s defence — many even suggested that Prince Andrew was simply made up by their parents to scare them into doing their homework. We tried to reach out to 9 year old, Timothy Nipper, who trick or treated at the prince’s house last year but he was unable to comment because the Epstein Estate had payed him seven million dollars not to talk.