Bristol UK Uncategorised

“I’m just so cultured” brags art historian with yeast infection

Better thrush to the pharmacy

After decades of scouring the country, from the rolling hills of Exeter to the blistering coasts of St Andrews, The Whip has finally located Britain’s most cultured student: none other than UoB’s own Art Historian Hattie Crabbes, and all thanks to her recurring yeast infection.

When asked about winning the coveted, albeit highly unhygienic accolade of Britain’s most cultured student, the undergraduate responded…

“Yah well what can I say man, my strategy finally paid off! All these fakers on the course keep spouting bullshit about dadaism and Donatello, but I knew that if I was going to be the biggest culture vulture in town, I needed a bolder approach…”

She continued, “It suddenly hit me after a night of well, whatever the opposite of passion is, with this Redland bloke; woke up feeling rough as sandpaper, and when doc gave me the diagnosis the next morning, I exclaimed “YES! This is EXACTLY what I need to show Jonty and those other wankers that you don’t need to know your Michelangelo from your, shit who’s that other guy-Monet, yea that’s the one, to be the most cultured art hissy around!”

However, the fungus in question had a very different opinion regarding Hattie’s newfound credentials in the academic world…

“You’re joking, most cultured? I’ve helped brew Fosters with more taste than that arrogant gasbag! Knew I preferred that Redland guy, at least he had some original opinions on Bauhaus, even if he hasn’t washed in three weeks…”

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