Just when the Daily Mail thought Britain’s identity crisis couldn’t become any more serious, another devastating blow was struck by the Sainsbury’s marketing team. White Britons uttered a collective gasp when a distinctly non-white, and more disturbingly, non-dysfunctional family was depicted in their recent Christmas advert…don’t worry, we’re still getting our heads around it as well.
As complaints flooded into OFCOM, The Whip’s Gammon correspondent caught an interview with furious Derby resident Linda Bingham to get her take on the seemingly rather innocuous advert…
“I am LIVID!” the septuagenarian roared, “I suppose THIS really is what the left wants every Christmas to be like now: Where are the kids screaming to their parents that they wanted their iPhone in white not black? No embarrassingly drunk uncles? Clearly this director has never set foot in any proper British household.”
Against the pleas of literally everybody on the production team, she continued, “I just want an advert that reflects a REAL English Christmas…you know, the kind where your brother brings up the time his wife cheated on him at the table and granny calls her a trollop in front of everyone; I think this erosion of traditional British values is a disgrace.”
After Linda mercifully left early to find a wine salesman to torment, exhausted OFCOM employee Rajit Mehta gave us his verdict on the fierce, yet confusing backlash to this unexpectedly controversial advert…
“You’d think xmas ads would be pretty fucking difficult for people to get angry about,” he began, “but these gammons continue to outdo themselves, it’s almost impressive how offensive they find people of colour being portrayed on British TV.”
He continued, “But what I really don’t get is why white people think they’re so special; just because my family’s not white, doesn’t mean they don’t go just as batshit mental during the holidays as well…”