News today that Leeds will be put into tier 3 when lockdown comes to an end has sent shockwaves through the student community. Many are questioning how their lives will differ now that they still can’t go to pubs, still can’t see their mates, and still need to book a space in the library a semester in advance. However, the most riveting revelation in these revolutionary rules is the news that hairdressers and barbers will once again open their doors following Prime Minister Boris Johnson clocking the state of your disgraceful mop.
The Whip has understood it was indeed your poor attempt to grow a mullet that has led to this decision, with the Prime Minister claiming it was even worse than that 2 all over you tried during the first lockdown.
We caught up with one of Johnson’s aid, Rodney Barnet, to find out more about the new rules:
“So it’s pretty much the same as before, but tier 3 sounds a bit nicer than ‘lockdown’ doesn’t it? A bit less doom and gloom and a bit more big wedding cake in my opinion. Anyway, Boris has decided out of the kindness of his heart – as well for the sake of everyone that has to look at that rat’s nest on your head – that hairdressers will once again be allowed to cut the public’s hair whilst expounding questionable views on the legitimacy of the pandemic.”
Here at the Whip we greatly welcome the return of barbers and hairdressers, even if it just means some sort of physical contact with somebody that you don’t spend 16 hours a day talking to or avoiding talking to. Nonetheless, seriously get rid of the hair mate, it’s not funny anymore.