Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but we all love a good conspiracy theory really, don’t we? If you’re not so keen, then that’s because you are suffering from a bad case of karmic conjunctivitis — your third eye has, sadly, been sealed shut by the optic gunk of sheepledom and we’re afraid it’s looking terminal.
Now there is a cure to this debilitating disease and NO it is not a fucking vaccine. That’s what THEY would want you to think, the horrible bastards at the WHO, rejecters of my homeopathic covid cure. Personally, I still think that microdosing MKAT is our medicinal future, but let’s not get into such matters. The antidote for the anti-woke is a big fuck off roll of Bacofoil. With this foil, you can construct a hat, a helmet, a fascinator if you fancy. This metallic headpiece will block out wit-dimming 5G waves and channel only the most edified ideological questions, such as: is Australia really real; was Avril Lavigne actually killed and replaced by a clone; and, what if JFK wasn’t assassinated and his head just did that?
One brave St Werburghs native has already tried out our mind-expanding technology, though, in this instance, there may have been some crossed cosmic wires. The Whip reports.
‘So what I hate about Big Farmer, right’, mutters president of the Pro-Chemsex Anti-Chemtrail Society, Edie Otik, ‘is the amount of tweed required to make their Barbour jacket. We’re talking a good few, couple of hectares here, whatever that means!’
‘Another thing I hate is when they leave their tractor parked in my driveway — if you think they’re huge you should see the size of their combine harvester. They’re just a massive bellend, really. Honestly, you’re gonna have a mare when I tell you about Big Butcher, Big Baker and Big Candlestickmaker.’
The Whip is happy to report that Ms. Otik, after much strain, had Big Pharma explained to her. She referred to them as ‘a little bit fucked up actually’