‘Go on, eat us!’ replies horny rich

After years of silence and the awkward hesitation they are known for, the rich have finally gotten back to society’s revolutionary clamorings, belching forth a sweaty proposition. 

‘Eat Us’, the new initiative, is being bannered across the cul de sacs of Surrey, under the mock Tudor shamelessness of Cheshire and amid the concerningly patriotic bunting of Kent. Rumour has it Cath Kidston has already begun embroidering the phrase in its new line of Naughty Nellies lingerie. 

The Whip has yet to uncover whether this new approach will effectively tackle systemic oppression of the working classes; we wandered around the University of Bristol trying to gage public (well, private) opinion of the new policy. 

While eavesdropping within the famous Clifton Observatory we overheard some common phrases, among them ‘Saatchi’, ‘crikey o’reilly’ and ‘so now they’ve separated they just live in different wings’, but no major themes of social change. 

In fact, it was those individuals with the boldest socialist-socialite attire and peppiest tendency towards self-mockery who seemed the most at home atop the mound. Lord, with all the illustrated tote bags and Frieda Kahlo earrings on show, even Grayson Perry couldn’t tapestry fast enough. 

Alas, it seems there is no foreseeable end to class hypocrisy, but The Whip is dedicated to reporting it, straight from our Macbooks.