A study by science confirmed today that there is an observable negative correlation between the size of the logo on your Ralph Lauren polo and the length of your wang.
“The larger the horse the smaller the steed” explained a guy we interviewed, who we’re pretty sure was either a scientist or a pervert on account of his long coat and inability to make eye contact with our reporter. “This phenomenon can be observed in both length and girth” he continued “and to be honest I’ve had a great time doing the observing”.
We also reached out to William Gates (no relation), intern at a hedge fund and victim of the phenomenon, who let us in on the big problems his micropenis has been causing – “Daddy always taught me that polo shirts with logos smaller than our polo pony were a symbol of destitution. I never truly realised the effect it would have on my own lil Will… how am I supposed to continue the family name when I can’t even find IT half the time?”
Emotional about his ‘situation’, William spent the rest of the interview trying to soothe himself by name dropping celebrities he’d had ‘supper’ with and explaining the rules of cricket.
We’d like to remind any readers in a similar situation that it’s ok to seek help. After all, isn’t having a small pecker really more of a state of mind?