Gappers travel halfway across the world to experience a culture completely different from their own. We have all met (or been) the self-proclaimed explorer who won’t let you get the next drink because they modestly have to tell you about that time they found Nirvana in the Gangotri temple in the Uttarkashi region. Hedonistic wankers. But, with lockdown restrictions, this year’s trustafarians find themselves closer to the bank of mum and dad.
The Whip visited Arabella Deferred, to see if her lockdown nap year had invoked any holistic awakenings. It sounded like pure debauchery.
The morning Thai Chi class has been replaced by Joe Wicks. The Ethereal Haze once founded on the far-reaching views of the Andes, is now created by the fractoluminescence of the Sainsbury’s Van. Arabella has also found a way of “building character” through baking banana bread, after many failed attempts at learning Mandarin.
Arabella describes life amidst the pandemic as a “culture shock”, she scoffs: “I’m no hypochondriac but getting used to lockdown life has taken its toll on my physical-mental-spiritual-ecclesiastical wellbeing that I can only describe as finding myself.”
Overhearing her father say “uncharted waters” for the 56th time, reminds Arabella of “the perilous waters of the Amazon River I would be exploring if I was still on my Gap Year”.
Spying on neighbours becomes the new safari, for curtain-twitching Arabella, who at this point in the visit has already succumbed to calling 3 dealers for some “naughty salt” which apparently helps her to “transcend reality through mind-numbing Epicureanism with a dash of getting absolutely mortal”
“Drug dealahs count as key workahhhs right?” asks Arabella, with trailing vowels and no hint of irony detected.