‘A man with new ideas is a madman, until his ideas triumph’ says flat mate poaching egg in microwave

Some say innovation is born out of adversity, akin to the immense pressure exerted in the formation of rare gems. This was certainly the feeling of Hyde Park resident Michael Waver when, with egg prematurely cracked early one morning, he found all four hobs occupied by the unwieldy pots and pans of fellow flatmates.

Most would flounder in these dire circumstances, but we caught up with the self-proclaimed ‘Bielsa of Baking’ to find out how he overcame such obstacles.

“Yeah so basically there I was, cracked egg in hand, proverbial one on face, when I suddenly thought: What would Bielsa do? I immediately dismissed taking a mid table Championship side and getting them promoted to the Prem with limited funds and a commitment to expansive attractive football and instead marched straight to the microwave whilst my housemates looked on in disbelief and disdain. The result was a perfectly poached egg and the respect and adoration of my house.”

Whilst some of his housemates dispute this recollection of events by claiming “the hobs were free, he’s just a lazy slob”, and some even reporting that he binned the monstrosity after the first bite, The Whip congratulates Mr. Waver on his revolutionary zeal.

We speculate what is next for this michelin maverick: Bacon in the toaster? Beans on the radiator? An England call up for Patrick Bamford?