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Bender deprived student reluctantly aces degree

I’ve had to abandon my plans like David Cameron abandoned his daughter at the pub that one time

During these times without precedent, unprecedented times if you will, people the world over are having to find new ways to entertain themselves as so many passions, hobbies and side-hustles are lost to the lockdown void.

Some have thrown themselves into new Covid friendly hobbies like baking, knitting or staring forlornly into the middle distance for 6-8 hours a day. Others have adapted their hobbies; The Whip has received reports of a group of Chess fanatics who’ve been playing outdoor Chess using stray cats they spray paint and dress like Chess pieces (Horsey, little one that there’s loads of, Queen Elizabeth II etc). Some, however, have had to seek enjoyment elsewhere, and find new ways to stave off boredom. One such person is first year Tim O’Greedy who, with clubs closed for the foreseeable, has had to resort to consistently getting 80+ in all his marked work so far this year. The Whip caught up with him to find out more.

“I came to Uni expecting to barely scrape into second year, that was always my aim. First year was going to be dedicated to weeklong benders without surrender, putting my mind, body and spirit through the gauntlet of debauchery and hedonism. In second year, I’d knuckle down, buy a diffuser, start freezing my meals and become a functioning member of society, but I’ve had to abandon my plans like David Cameron abandoned his daughter at the pub that one time. With no recourse to public partying I’ve been left with no option but to absolutely smash my degree, which is the last thing I wanted to do.”

Boogying till sunrise has become book-reading till about 8pm, the spot on the wall where high rise tickets would be pinned now has a reminder to ‘clean under fridge’, where empty bottles once proudly lined the windowsill, a well-tended bonsai tree and a mug full of paperclips now sit. Tim however, remains optimistic.

“This is temporary, at the end of the day, I didn’t come to Uni to get a degree, and no pandemic is going to change that. As soon as I can, I’ll be back out there ignoring deadlines and being generally useless.”

And we here at The Whip say, that is a terrible idea Tim but you do you. 

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