At school we were taught that the pull-out method doesn’t work. But like many students, it hasn’t stopped the UK trying. It seems the old “close your eyes and think of England” trick couldn’t be more current in today’s post-EU climate.
The pull-out method, otherwise known as coitus interruptus, has been in use since biblical times, popular amongst fuckboys in powdered wigs and Dominic Cummings. Romp-saga Bridgerton repopularised the method but with an unwanted comeback.
After her mother’s wed-bed advice, “birds and the bees? I don’t know her”, Daphne is convinced she and the Duke can belly-to-belly around their bedroom, gardens, and Heaven! Forbid! The! Library! Ladders! and still not be With Child. Yet, Daphne’s pregnancy proves that the Duke’s “honeymooning” into a tissue is not a reliable method of birth control. (The Whip does not recommend this at home.)
Upon watching, Brexiteer viewers have found that the pull-out method does have its comeuppance. After some long 47 thrusts (sorry, years) into the EU, Britain officially divorced her counterpart on the 31st of December.
At first, Europe was like Bridgerton’s ‘Diamond of the first water’: if you weren’t her, you would want to be in her. Britain is like Simon, a fuckboy who has been in Europe for some time but cannot commit all the way. Daphne is just as frustrated as Europe, although she hasn’t introduced any tariffs…yet. You can’t expect to get divorced without any tears along the way.
In both Bridgerton and Europe, there is a reason the pull-out method is a missed conception. It just doesn’t work.
Yes, I am certain Britain can spill its seed elsewhere, but will they have magic stars? Probably not.