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BREAKING: Johnson permits household mixing of eggs, milk and flour

Unless you’re some weirdo that eats savoury pancakes.

The latest lockdown has seen a return to the strictest rules since the beginning of the pandemic with even trips to Barnard Castle banned for high ranking government advisors. However, under public pressure Boris Johnson has announced a reprieve on the mixing ban, although only with a manual whisk because the electric one’s a bit messy. 

The Whip caught up with one of the Prime Minister’s advisors, Finn Batter, to gain some insight on this policy flip. 

“So basically ‘Lockdown: Original Flavour’ didn’t really work out, but everyone knows the first one is a throw away, so we thought we’d change it up this time round. The Prime Minister believes it is integral to celebrate holidays of all nationalities and faiths during the lockdown, as long as those nationalities and faiths are British and Christian. 

“This policy will hopefully bring the nation together and create some unity – unless you’re some weirdo that eats savoury pancakes, in that case you can fuck off.”

The celebration of Shrove Tuesday is expected to be at an all time high with nothing to do apart from Shrive the day away. Instagram stories featuring boomerangs of pancake flip attempts are expected to be in abundance, but at least it beats those soppy Valentine’s posts from two days ago.

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