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Pigeons Seize Myanmar in Military Coo

“We’ve taken a liquid shit over democracy in Myanmar. They shall tremble in awe before a thousand years of feathery rule!”

Given the extensive media coverage surrounding the military takeover of Myanmar, there has been surprisingly little attention paid to the masterminds behind the operation.

Very suspicious…”, thought The Whip’s undercover reporting unit.

After one thing led to another, and a socially distanced first-class flight was booked to Naypyidaw, we found ourselves in the land of the golden pagoda, as the western world’s first media outlet permitted to interview the new administration.

We were given strict instructions to follow our appointed guards into a darkened room, just behind the airport KFC. After the doors were shut, we heard a flurry of flapping, followed by the sound of a husky, grizzled voice…

“Please, take a seat…”

Shock filled the room when the glow of a cigar burst unexpectedly from foot level, and the avian commander-in-chief revealed himself to our reporters.

“There were always cries for revolution, and rightly so” snarled general Min

“From my earliest days in the air force, our kind have been belittled and mocked,” he continued, “bird-brained, headless chicken, the endless jokes made at the expense of me and my brethren drove us to take drastic action.”

“True to form, we’ve taken a liquid shit over democracy in Myanmar. They shall tremble in awe before a thousand years of feathery rule!”

Surprised by this unexpectedly cuddly junta, we consulted the recently imprisoned NLD leader Aung San Suu Kyi to hear her take on the new government…

“To be honest, I’m more scared of them than the last lot,” she confessed, “At least with General Than Shwe, I knew all he wanted was complete government control, but with these pigeons, their motives remain unknown…I just don’t know what to expect!”

Much uncertainty remains for the people of Myanmar, all we know is that NOBODY’S bread is safe for the foreseeable future. The Whip will continue to provide updates as the situation unfolds…

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