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Library tickets sell out faster than student offered grad scheme at BP

‘these tickets will sell out faster than I defend BritPet’s commitment to be carbon neutral by 2050’

The path of the oil company exec is a well trodden one: private school education, fashionable university champagne socialism,  before justifying the purchase of their first Oxford Street suite as “a fiscally prudent investment in my future” at 27.

However, in a move that has sent shockwaves through the sell-out-sphere, tickets to Edward Boyle on Eventbrite are giving these champagne socialists a run for their money. The Whip caught up with grad scheme hopeful Orla Boutdabenjamins, to see how she felt about the new shill on the block.

“I was a bit disappointed when I first found out, I’d just sent off my application and was going to spend the day in the library finding out how bad oil spills really can be. I opened Eventbrite at 3:05 on the dot and they’d all gone, even bloody Laidlaw had sold out! Who’s that desperate to work on a backless chair with a desk that reaches your ankles?

In these uncertain times you can be certain that these tickets will sell out faster than I defend BritPet’s commitment to be carbon neutral by 2050. And I can do that really fast, do you want to hear?” 

Orla proceeded to explain the reason carbon neutrality is physically impossible and economically naive prior to 2050 despite our attempts to leave the interview. 

So are library tickets the future of selling out? Don’t even bother checking if they’re still there, some lucky sod who probably won’t even turn up probably has the whole day booked.

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