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Leeds

Central Village residents hoping for swift return to sit down Wagas and lukewarm can of dark fruits

‘Swathes of edgy boys, sporty lads and boring blokes are frothing at the mouth for a fresh pint of tart cider or even a whiff of a John Smith’s stained pub carpet’

If you hadn’t already guessed, the lad in your flat eating beans out of the tin and blasting Tyler the Creator and Frank Ocean on his second-hand decks is finding life without the boys quite tough indeed.

Swathes of edgy boys, sporty lads and boring blokes are frothing at the mouth for a fresh pint of tart cider or even a whiff of a John Smith’s stained pub carpet. They’re gagging for a Wetherspoons breakfast, craving the feeling of a fresh pair of cords in an Urban Outfitter’s changing room, and desperate for a sit-down chicken katsu curry which they’ll order with no shame at all. You know the type.

Here at The Whip, we took a moment to acknowledge the struggle of these poor, bereft Leeds boys and remind ourselves that everybody is going through something this lockdown.

During these challenging times, we must acknowledge the struggle of those Tinder boys looking for a ‘sesh buddy’, without knowing when the next sesh will be. And those guys who just want someone to adventure with, unaware that it could be months before they can tell a real-life girl with misguided pride that they’re over six foot tall.

The days of tinnies in the park on a bright sunny day, pints of dark fruits outside Terrace and Old Bar and shitty Tesco cocktail tins on the long walk to town are a thing of the past. Come to think of it, all aspects of social alcohol consumption are non-existent unless you count a glass of Gallo rosé on FaceTime with your mum.

The Whip hope these days will soon return and with them, we can return the boring blokes of Leeds to their natural habitat. We just hope that Brudenell and Stone Roses are sufficiently stocked up on dark fruits lest all hell breaks loose.

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