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“We don’t want our pure English genes tainted!” cry inbred unemployed German family

Sound advice from the Greek man who is happily married to his cousin and living off the British taxpayer!

With shockwaves from Harry and Meghan’s explosive Oprah interview reverberating around the world, Buckingham Palace once again finds itself in hot water.

Serious accusations of racism and bullying were fired its way, and naturally the palace was simply not going to take this one sitting down (with the notable exception of the Prince of Wales, who reportedly has refused to uncross his legs since ‘seeing those two Mega Hotties on telly at the same time’).

Issuing a passionate plea to the public, the British royal family has insisted that its abhorrent comments regarding baby Archie’s skin tone were simply aiming to preserve its pure, authentically English bloodline. After the howls of laughter had quietened down, The Whip’s Royal Correspondent managed to gain an exclusive interview with the unnamed royal family member who questioned the potential skin colour of baby Archie… 

“Well of course it was me, who the fuck else would it be??” exclaimed prince Phillip. “You think Charles can produce a zinger like that? He’d probably break down in tears and apologise to them, the wetty! At 99, I’ve had plenty of time to fine tune my ‘craft’, believe me…”

The consort continued, “as a Greek man, happily married to his cousin and living off the British taxpayer, I know that our family has a duty to keep the bloodline as unmarred and as authentically English as possible. After all, it’s what the public want.”

It seems then that the irony has not landed for this sorry bunch. Perhaps the best course of action is to go the traditional Windsor route, and keep it in the family.

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