Armed with Prius’, righteousness and a herculean tolerance of drunk teenagers, Uber drivers have finally been deemed ’employees’ by the Supreme Court. In the face of adversity, these humble sentinels of safety have toppled their goliath, reaching the state of ‘Ubermensch’, as predicted by Nietzche in the not-so-popular sequel to his magnum opus: Thus Spoke Zarathustra 2: Uber Drivers Strike Back.
In celebration, Uber HQ decided to have a party to welcome their new employees to their London office.
The air was thick with car freshener, Capital FM blared from the speakers and ‘Petrol Colladas’ were flowing. Many Skodas, after a few too many drinks, confessed their love to the elegant C-Class’s curvaceous figure and bountiful horsepower. Obviously, most were rejected, the sparks between them nothing more than electrical malfunctions.
Initially, there was reported to be clear division with the ‘Uber X’ and ‘XL’ crew facing off with the Mercedes-Benz driving, free water giving superstars of the ‘Exec’ and ‘Lux’ elite. Luckily, curtailing a Bolshevik-esque revolution, all the Ubers came together in dismay when a cyclist accidentally entered the party, provoking group hatred.
The get-together was abruptly cut short, as workplace RuPaul-inspired drag races and drifting competitions got out of hand. A night of ups and downs and incredible efficiency from hybrid engine technology, a definite party to remember.