Categories
Leeds

Leeds City Council completes Hyde Park redesign with potted plants, wall hanging and LED strip

The recent appearance of large potted plants in Hyde Park has caused great confusion and speculation amongst local residents as they ponder the origin of the sizable shrubbery. The Whip can now reveal that this is part of a wider refurbishment programme by Leeds City Council as an attempt to “liven the place up a bit”. Further additions will include a 30 foot wall hanging they bought back from their trip to Thailand and the replacement of all street lamps with a remote control LED strip that will make the vibes way more chill. 

We caught up with city councillor Sharon Succulent to gain insight into the dramatic design changes.

“Well people are always whining about potholes in the road, mountains of rubbish in alleyways and unkempt green spaces so we thought we’d make it a bit more homely you know. It hasn’t really fixed any of those problems, but everyone that comes over says the aesthetics are banging now – plus we’ve got a bit of incense to burn to get rid of that funny smell round the back of HFC.”

Whilst The Whip must agree that the vibe is a lot chiller now we question whether this is what Hyde Park residents want due to the congestion caused by the planters and the monetary cost of introducing this system. 

When asked about the financial aspect of this redesign Succulent conceded that the planters were a bit spenny, but reassures us LED strips were only a tenner off Amazon.

Categories
Bristol

“10K? Fine!” Wills student relieved over petty party penalisation

Christabelle Chumley-Seymour, 19 yahs of age, was relieved after her cheese and wine soirée only cost £10,400 (brie included!) to execute. The Whip managed to snag an exclusive interview with Christabelle as she was returning to Wills from an unofficial hunt in Leigh Woods to find out more.

“Pleasant day?” we asked. “Pheasant day if anything!” she guffawed. The ice was broken and talk of the previous evening’s fromage frenzy could begin.

“It was a rather spontaneous affair if I’m completely honest.” She adjusted her tweed blazer before continuing. “Before I knew it, I was half a wheel of Gruyère deep, guzzling my merlot like it was Echo Falls!. It was only a matter of time before talk of the dairy debauchery spread like quince jam through the halls.”

The campus security members who had been tasked to disband these Emmental enthusiasts described the scene as a “horrifying peek under the corduroy curtain —  the fine didn’t even faze them!” Head security member Darren was ashen at the thought: “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did it again!”

Shocking stuff, but surely this would be the last instance of this reckless abandon?

“Yah we’ve deffo learnt our lesson! Next time the cheese will have to be left out, as Arabella is lactose intolerant but couldn’t resist the Camembert. She’s been chundering for hours!”

Well, you heard It here first folks: rich flavours, richer people, and richest by far in corona contact. 19 yahs of age for Christabelle is far too little time for any maturity to set in, unlike the vintage cheddar she consumed on the weekend.